my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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