so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
