I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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