He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
