I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
