I'm really into asian looking animals
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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