Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
