Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like a drive thru vagina
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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