He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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