I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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