He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
