Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
foreskin is a definite game changer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
