I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
