he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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