Don't make out with my wife yet
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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