Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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