we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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