you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
