i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
