Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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