i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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