oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
