Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
