It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
