My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
