Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
