I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All the doctor said was why
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
