'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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