This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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