No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize