Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
