I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
