where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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