i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
