She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
