Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
