Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize