he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
