My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
