I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
