Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
