So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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