Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
