well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
