jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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