Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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