so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
