My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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