I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
