If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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