My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
