I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
