I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
