i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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