We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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