He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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